How does a promise breaker behave? We all have friends and family that are invited for dinner at six and they get there at 7… when dinner is already cold and the family has already eaten! There are people that just bail on you and don’t show up, or don’t respond to texts, people who break promises on us all the time, and yet, we invite them again and listen to their pleading or their explanation of what is going on within their world and it usually drives us crazy but we’re also like “Oh it’s ok! We’ll invite you next time.” But over time we drop that respect, and we have a lack of belief in them, we know their lack of commitment and we just don’t have that same trust and credibility and we don’t believe in them as much as we originally might have.
I ask myself, my team, and I have to ask you… Are YOU a promise breaker?
I remember myself being a promise breaker. Maybe you guys can relate to this. How many times have we broken promises to ourselves?… A touchy subject!
The promises that we make ourselves are usually the most important to keep cause those are the ones that our hopes and dreams and goals ride upon!
Catch my deeper insights here:
You might be a promise breaker with yourself!
If I promise I’m going to pick you up at 6 o’clock for girls night I’m going to be there five minutes early! I’m never late for a doctor’s appointment. If I make a promise or a commitment I never let anybody down at any time, and yet I know that I let myself down. I know that I’ve broken promises to myself!
Knowing that usually, our bodies get into habits and patterns, which allow us to be able to move forward. So how can we do this in small increments that it becomes a new normal? Because if we’re going to break a promise with ourselves, whether it’s on New Year’s to-do your body good, maybe you want to exercise more, spend more time on date night or with the kids… How can we do this to try to create new patterns? It all has to begin with knowing that we have to go back to the easiest patterns we have!
Why do we break our promises to ourselves, to begin with?
It’s not ok to break promises to friends but why do it to ourselves? Sometimes the main reason is just procrastination, we think we can do things “tomorrow”, it’s like “ok, I’m going to start exercising tomorrow, it’s cold and windy outside today, so I’ll do it tomorrow”. Tomorrow comes around and all of a sudden it’s like my girlfriend wants to go for brunch, and that sounds more exciting than me going out for a walk, so let’s not do that.
Sometimes we think about something in the spur of the moment but we don’t put much thought into what kind of changes within our lives are going to have to happen in order for us to do that. It sounds like a good idea, but on afterthought, it’s not. So then we make up excuses. When we let ourselves give in to excuses then that becomes the new normal. Then we mentally beat ourselves up, and get all negative without understanding why. And we have to remember that if we can forgive others so easily, and understand their reasoning, we should be able to understand our own. Talk to ourselves in a way that you will recognize if you’re giving yourself bs, and call yourself upon it! You have to be able to be honest with yourself and have those kinds of conversations.
When we do beat ourselves up it’s not mentally productive. It’s a cycle that goes round and round each time you break a promise and it’s not productive.
How can we make some small shifts towards the “Sunny Side of Life”?
Tip #1: The first thing is to schedule things in and write things down. I know that if I don’t schedule something it is just not going to happen, I have to make the time for it. A girlfriend suggested that a lot of people actually hire a private gym coach. If you just buy a normal gym membership it works for a couple of days… but then one of your kids gets sick and your husband has football night and then you don’t go. But if you schedule a trainer and pay for it 2 -3 times a week then you’re not going to let your trainer down because you’ve made a promise to the trainer. You’re going to make it happen because you scheduled it in!
Tip #2: I’m a visible girl. I love notebooks, journals, colors, and design. If you have kids or grandkids you can increase your visibility by having them put little sticky stars on the calendar when you’ve achieved something. Let them be involved. Do something to make it visible so you can give yourself a high five!
Tip #3: Most people when they set a goal they make it so big that when they break their promise it’s like “well yeah I couldn’t do that, it was impossible to have made that kind of a goal”. So break it down into steps! When people break their promises is usually because the goal is so huge so they find excuses or reasons why it’s not going to work, so set the goal in the smallest of steps!
Tip #4: If possible, add to your goal. Maybe you want to do a lifestyle change, you want to cut sugars, or carbs and fats, instead of cutting things out and putting your mind into ‘freak mode’, how about you start adding things to it! “How about I start eating an apple a day and increase my water count”. Instead of taking away and making ourselves all grumpy and make ourselves want to quit, give yourself something instead!
Tip #5: Do you really have what it takes? I know for myself if I want to make a promise, even for my business or lifestyle goals, I know I need more help. I’m actually outsourcing or getting help to do this goal because it’s beyond my current skill set or my current knowledge, and that’s totally ok so find out what you need! Do you need extra support or guidance? Sometimes you’re going to have to toss some dollars into it. You’re going to hire someone, or pay a course, or pay for a gym.
There’s nothing wrong with asking for help so you can keep your promises to yourself and build up bridges! If you’re going to fall off the wagon at least you’re not going to fall as far. You’re going to move up the benchmarks of your new normal, of your patterns and habits by just raising the bar a little bit every time!
I really had much fun with this blog, Of course, if you did too and you know some promise breakers out there who could use some help, you are welcome to share this forward!
See you on The Sunny Side of Life!
P.S. I often get asked; Roxanne when you are not being a “Cheerleader” in all women’s lives, sharing sparks of joy and insights; what else do you have going on? Well … I have a blooming business within Social Retail, Don’t know what Social Retail and the power of Social Marketing is? My Sunny Side of Life details can be best explained here; www.roxannelynch.info
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